


Said the Joker to the Thief

by greyjoying



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Detective AU, Handcuffs, M/M, Thief AU, basically Ouma's fantasy (Extended Version)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 13:05:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9728375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greyjoying/pseuds/greyjoying
Summary: “Relaaaaax, Sairahara-chan. You’re so stiff.”Relax?Thought Saihara, still in shock. That was much easier said than done when he was handcuffed to Japan’s most infamous criminal.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while drunk on Valentines day, so I apologise for it's.........everything.

It was, upon reflection, a mistake for Saihara to give Ouma the handcuffs. In his defence, he had been off his guard. Ouma looked so believably downhearted when Saihara had chased him into the dead end of a broom cupboard, dark eyes cast down. ‘’Ah, I see…guess you caught me after all.’’ He’d said so softly, that Saihara had almost felt - well not _bad,_ but at least regretful when he had went to wrap the cuffs round Ouma’s slim, pale wrists. It was only after he’d heard Ouma calmly assert ‘’That’s no good Detective-chan, let me help,’’, only after he’d felt the cold steel against his own wrist and heard the cuffs snap shut with worryingly finality that he has realised his mistake. 

In the darkness of the closet, he saw Ouma’s mouth curve into a grin, his face lit only by the light shining through from the cracks in the closed door. Saihara shut his eyes tight, and took a deep breath. And then he looked. 

‘’Oh _nooooooooo.’’_ Whined Ouma in mock horror, lifting his wrist up to allow Saihara to get a better look. One of Ouma’s hands was still in cuffs….but the other was on Saihara’s wrist, and somehow Ouma had expertly threaded the cuffs through the handle of the filing cabinet he was standing beside. Saihara had to marvel at Ouma’s deft slight of hand, even as he swallowed down his horror. Now here he was, trapped in a cupboard filled with nothing but filing cabinets and dust, and Ouma.

Saihara narrowed his eyes at Ouma in what he hoped was a much more wrathful glare than he felt. ‘’You did that on purpose, didn’t you?’’ He quickly ran through in his mind any number of scenarios how to get out of this. His partner was searching the other building. He hadn’t told the police force where he was. No one else knew he was here. Great.

Ouma smiled blissfully at him, and gave another tug of his wrist, pulling Saihara closer by extension. “You can always tell when I’m lying, can’t you Saihara-chan? That why you’re my favourite detective.’’ Ouma beamed, showing off two rows of perfect white teeth.

‘’That’s probably a lie too isn’t it?’’ Sighed Saihara, shoulders sagging. 

He felt Ouma’s intense gaze on him, and pulled at his collar with his free hand. The cupboard was shockingly stuffy.

Ouma let his gaze travel down Saihara’s body, and then he snapped his eyes back up to meet Saihara’s. A smirk played on his lips. “Relaaaaax, Sairahara-chan. You’re so stiff.”

 _Relax?_ Thought Saihara, still in shock. That was much easier said than done when he was handcuffed to Japan’s most infamous criminal. Really, what would the paper’s think. He was already in hot water after his last mystery - The Piano Murder, had been solved by one of the suspects herself, and now he had managed to find himself handcuffed to Japan’s most notorious jewel thief in a cupboard. Just what would they say about this?

Sahaira glanced up, and found his face inches away from Ouma’s. 

‘Aaagh!’ Saihara pulled backwards, or at least attempted to, but the handcuffs really provided very little movement, so all he succeeded in doing was trapping his arm in an awkward position between his body and the cabinet.

Ouma watched this, eyes unreadable. ‘’I wasn’t lying earlier, you know?’’ 

Saihara rubbed his head with his free arm. ‘’What?’’

‘’When I said you were my favourite detective.’’ Ouma moved closer again, leaning up into Saihara’s view until he couldn’t focus on anything else.

‘’I’ve had lots of them chase after me, but you are certainly the most fun, Saihara-chan.’’ He sounded horribly earnest. So he was most likely lying, reasoned Saihara.

‘’But you’re the only one who stays solely focused on me. All the others moved on after a while. Do you lie awake at night thinking about what I’m doing, where I’m going to heist next?’’ Ouma all but whispered this, warm breath on Saihara’s next. He struggled to keep it together, a blush creeping up his face.

Ouma smiled now, a different smile which was both parts creepy and adorable. Saihara wished he could stop looking at it.

‘’I think about you.’’ Ouma went on. ‘’Remember last week when you chased me on that rooftop and I disappeared?’’ Ouma’s eyes were bright now, and his cadence easy, as if this was a funny story he was telling an old friend.

‘’I actually fell off it. My mouth was full of blood, and I broke three ribs and had to limp away. But I was laughing the whole time, because you surprised me! Almost catching me on the rooftop like that. No one else has ever got that close.’’ Ouma seemed....impressed.

Saihara leaned back, grateful to have the solid, cool cabinet behind him to support him. ‘’That has to be a lie. There’s no way your ribs have healed so fast.’’

Ouma laughed, so suddenly and loudly that Saihara was taken aback. ‘’Would you like to see?’’ he asked, shoulders still shaking a little as he snickered. His free hand darted down, and suddenly Saihara was faced with the sight of Ouma’s bare midriff as he pulled his shirt up. It was not an unattractive sight.

It was definitely too hot in the room by now. Saihara tried to not look to closely, face turning red. ‘’You don’t have any scars.’’ He noted, trying to keep his voice calm and objective.

Ouma cooed. ‘’Ooooooh so you did take a look? Anyway, you can’t see the injuries, you have to feel them. Here, I'll show you!’’

Ouma was fast, _too fast again_ Saihara noted with regret. Before he could move, Ouma’s fingers had clasped round his wrist and guided his free hand up Ouma’s shirt. Saihara froze, his hand pressed flat against Ouma’s skin, Ouma’s hand steady on top of his. 

Saihara blanched, and jerked his hand back. Ouma glared, almost resentful.

‘’You know Saihara-chan, you like to call me a liar but you’re a liar too.’’ 

‘’What do you mean?’’ Asked Shaihara, his words catching strangely in his throat.

Ouma studied Saihara’s rumpled collar, and moved his hand up to stroke it smooth.

Saihara could feel sweat running trickling down the back of his neck now. He tried to look in any direction that wasn't Ouma’s. He suddenly needed to swallow, very badly. He thought again of the girl from the Piano case, the way his heart hammered when she had smiled at him. ‘’I’m not….I’m not gay.’’ He tried to ignore the way his heart was doing it again, right now.

It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. 

Ouma didn’t reply to this, but a second later Saihara felt cool fingers trace his collarbone. He jerked back slightly - and then hesitated.

It was only for a second, but Ouma must have noticed, because he gave Saihara the most dazzling smile. ‘’Let’s make a deal.’’ Ouma’s fingers began to draw slow, deliberate circles on Saihara’s collarbone. ‘’I won’t lie if you don’t.’’

Saihara drew in a shaky breath, his legs uneasy. If anyone else in the force, god forbid the captain or the press found him like this it would be -

\- and then Ouma’s mouth was on his neck, soft and curious, and Saihara couldn’t think anymore. He snapped his eyes shut and tried to bite down the moan he could feel forming in the back of his throat. Ouma peppered his neck with small, fluttering kisses, and then harder and more forceful until finally Saihara felt a nip of teeth on his neck. Startled, Saihara he shuddered slightly, but not enough to pull away. 

Ouma turned to gaze up at him, curiously. ‘’Did you like that, Saihara-chan?’’

Saihara flushed red. ‘’Well….’’

‘’Don’t lie now.’’ Ouma said, voice gravely serious. ‘’Don’t you know it’s dangerous to go back on a deal with a criminal?’

Saihara took one shaky breath, and then another. ‘’Yeah…it was good.” He admitted, grateful for how much of his face was hidden under his cap.

‘’Great!” Smiled Ouma, expression changing so fast it was almost comical. 

Saihara started to reply - but whatever he was about to say quickly turned into a moan as he felt Ouma’s lips on his neck again, and then tracing his jaw line. Ouma’s eyes met his, and they seemed to be sparkling with the same determined look Ouma had in every photo of him fleeing from a crime scene with some stolen masterpiece tucked under his arm. Saihara tried not to think about how intently he had studied those photos, pinned up on the wall in his office.

Ouma’s free hand was now on Saihara’s waist, fingers just teasing under his shirt. Logically, Saihara knew he should stop, or at least feel more guilty, but instead he found himself leaning down to clumsily press his lips against Ouma’s.

Ouma’s eyes widened for a second, and Saihara revelled in that one genuine look of surprise. But it only lasted a second, and then Ouma’s hand on Saihara’s hips was just as possessive as his kisses. 

Saihara wasn’t the most skilled kisser, let alone with one hand cuffed, but Ouma seemed skilled enough at both to press Saihara awkwardly but not painfully against the cabinet. Saihara’s hand was now gripping the back of Ouma’s hair, and Ouma’s leg had somehow made its way between Saihara’s. Saihara closed his eyes again, and let his worries melt away as Ouma nibbled at his bottom lip, his hand sliding farther and farther up Saihara’s shirt. It would have been, Saihara thought idly, the worst possible state for anyone to find them in. 

Which of course, was when someone banged on the door. 

Saihara yelped and immediately shot up, which was not the best thing to do when someone was nibbling at his lip. He felt a sharp sting and Ouma pulled back, annoyed. ‘’Well, look what you made me do.” Hissed Ouma, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. Saihara caught the sight of blood on it before Ouma moved toward the cuffs, and started to fiddle with them. 

‘’Who is it?’ Whispered Saihara.

‘’Boss? You in there?’  
Ouma grinned, not looking up from the cuffs. There was a small, subtle clinking sound.

‘’Just be there in a second!” Called Ouma, sliding his hand free of the cuffs.

Saihara blinked. ‘’You could do that the whole time?! Why didn’t you just leave and go find your gang if you knew they were looking for you?”

Ouma sniffed in distain. ‘’I’m a criminal boss. It’s good to let them worry sometimes. Otherwise they might get tired and try to kill me, and that would be no fun.’’

Saihara stared.

‘’Well, it would be a little fun.’’ Ouma admitted, attaching his cuff to the handle of the cabinet. Saihara considered struggling free, but it wasn’t really worth it with God know’s how many members of Ouma’s gang waiting outside. 

‘’So thats why you stayed here with me?’

Ouma didn’t reply immediately. Instead he lifted his thumb and pressed it against Saihara’s bottom lip, and then examined his thumb, smeared now a little with blood.

‘’It doesn’t look too bad.’’ He announced, to no one in particular. ‘’You can always say you got that while fighting me.’’

‘’You’re leaving me here?’’ Asked Saihara, not sure whether this was good news or not.

‘’Mmm.” Mused Ouma, putting his thumb to his mouth and sucking it clean with a loud popping sound.

‘’Anyway, I had a lot of fun with you, Saihara-chan.’’ Ouma turned to leave, and Saihara blinked at the bright light of the hall as the door opened. 

‘’Really?” He asked, incredulous.

‘’Of course! It was a fun way to pass the time….even if it was just only that.’’

Saihara nodded. 

It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. And they both knew that.


End file.
